So ironically every since I posted my one year at Warrior Ice Arena post things at work got a little insane. We had some folks leave for other jobs that really put pressure on me to work pretty much everyday and work some weird long hours. Most times when I havent been at work I showered, chilled and slept. The only reason I got some relief between now and when I made the 1-year post was the already planned trip to Wisconsin. Since I've been back I've only had 2 days off, and have been closing most nights. Only recently have some others finally joined our mix to allow for more free time for me going forward. So hopefully things are leveling out.
Side note: In August I had to sign a year lease for the place I'm currently in through next August and it was tough for me to sign. Unlike last year at this time when I simply needed to find somewhere to live, this year I felt myself looking way ahead... would I still want to be here in a year? September 2018 seems far away... Holy crap... do I want to be here now? It led me to thinking about a lot of things. Ultimately I decided that this is the right thing to do for now. Kind of deciding amongst all things considered to give this whole thing another year. But along the way I decided if things don't improve by the end of this season (next spring/ early summer) I'll look to move on so I don't have to dread the idea of resigning for another year in Beantown.
In other me-news I've realized some things about me that I need to change going forward. Sadly my strengths have left me with some weaknesses.
One of the things I do best in life is have fun no matter what I'm doing. I try to crack jokes or make a game of boring tasks.. take selfies... just a general zest for whatever I'm doing. It's made me an absolute joy wherever I go, and often people like to work with me or be in my general area. Its a blessing but also a curse. I'm low maintenance so I start a routine and then just coast on it for awhile without thinking about why I'm coasting there and if I like it. I've woken up a few times over the years and moved on from things, but it's an easy thing to get back in to and after knowing these things I just mentioned it really makes me think...
Due to my low maintenance lifestyle I've gotten very good at living with very little. A trait I kind of wish I didn't have because then I'd work harder to get more stuff. Basically my handling of money has never been great. There, I said it. I rarely have savings, I live paycheck-to-paycheck most of the time no matter the size of said paycheck. Then things come at me like car repairs, eye appts, and trips across the country where I don't get vacation time, and all at the same time mind you... and I'm left living on a VERY fixed budget for a month while I recover. I'm still in that mode and frankly even I'm amazed at how I'm getting by. I mean I've mentioned before how my biggest daily struggle is "what am I gonna eat today..." well it's even tougher with no money to buy food. I've found a way by scrimping and eating cheaply but it's difficult. Recently I turned down meeting up with a potential date because I wouldn't have had money to even pay for my half of a dinner or drinks... pathetic...
So as good as those skills are to have they are handicapping me in life and I, by writing it and sharing it, am holding myself accountable. It's still ok to enjoy whatever I'm doing but just don't forget to think about whether I want to be doing it... it could be even a better experience somewhere else. Don't just make the most of things you don't like... Also as nice as it is to realize I can somehow live for 2 weeks on $42 including gas, and food needs.... it isn't the way I'd like life to be. Time to shape up in the savings department... It seems whenever I get back on my feet steadily something rocks the boat that forces me to go under. I need to scrimp
and save like I am now even when I don't need to and build what adults refer to as a "nest egg" or a "savings account."
The 2 days off I had this week were mostly spent on me doing stuff I needed to do around the pad. Reorganizing and cleaning the room and today vegging and writing this. Hopefully as more time becomes available I can get back to doing stuff here on the site because I've missed it terribly. Not being even halfway on the Wisconsin trip wrap-up bothers me but I decided to release it in segments because I need the feeling of accomplishment for finishing tasks... another thing I've learned about myself many years ago which is a big part of the reason I always make lists, and have a dry-erase board fascination.
I've always been hesitant to discuss some of these things with people because quite-frankly it's embarrassing. I don't want to talk about it other than this post really. Just know I see it and I am holding myself accountable by sharing.
I honestly see people having kids and owning homes and think... How in the FUCK did they do that? I could never do that stuff. The only way I justify it is assuming that because two people have an income that somehow makes it work. But then I meet someone doing it solo and I figure they must be some sort of witch to make it all work with kids, pets, a home and a job. God... it's exhausting just thinking about it. I mean having enough money to care for other living things? Seems too strange to a dude ready to attack the next 9 days with $11.
So if you had a chuckle or smile along this reading then you get what I'm about. Much like Raphael when the Shredder has the turtles against the ropes, I'm cracking jokes. I'll find my way out of the sewer, and on a skateboard to a pizza parlor soon... metaphorically speaking... I'll actually try and cut down on the pizza ordering to save some money.
Just know that sometimes your strengths can be a weakness. Think about yours and realize if your right arm is so strong from all the lifting you do with it? What do you do when you need your left arm?